Monday, April 20, 2009

They Said, I Said!

They said I can do anything that the world was at the tips of my hands.

They said I was talented & gifted that I would one day visit many lands.

They said I was smart & intelligent born with a good head on my shoulders.

But they never said I would be thrown onto rocks & be crushed by the boulders.

They once said "Girl, you are going to be famous, you going to make it honey!"

But they should have said you'll be struggling for that job, crying for that money

They said Look in the papers make some moves, make those calls.

How everything changes, No more praises, Go work at the mall.

They said clean the streets, flip them burgers Do something Honey!

I do this, I do that I brought this, It sure feels good to have that money.

They said I was tired, a waste of skin a good fortune turned sour.

This is when I took what they said & converted it into power!!

Now they say we knew you can do it we knew it all along

Screw you, it was I who needed to change, I needed to be strong.

Now I say "Without your help I became ME, When I was at the top you never let me

fall but when I fell you never picked me up. I said When I had nothing you laughed at me while cheering me on like you had all this money as if you were some kind of Don.

They said Where did this anger come from, Why are you so upset?

I said you thought that you knew who I was, but you haven't met the real me yet.

I said I heard it all, the goods & the bads the loves and the hates.

So I say to you as I will save this date.

No More sad songs I don't need your help leave your pity at the gate.

I promise to lift myself out of this gutter & rise to my salvation.I promise you this just you wait.

I said I'm going to make it, Be happy and successful I have said again today!

Now you tell me! What more of your Bullshit do you have to say?

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Always Remember This..

I will be the first person to tell you when you have something great in your life always look at it with appreciation and try your hardest to never let it go. I know so many people that have lost there chance to be happy out of fear that they have hit a dead end zone. That once a person has found there happiness there is no going up from there. This is not true out all. This only means that once you have found that certain connection with someone that nothing else is a suprise, everything from there on in is considered a adventure.

There are moments in time where the most special gifts are those not seen but felt. A feeling in which a person can have the inner power to achieve anything in life just cause at the persice moment they were just that happy! I know I must sound like one of those woman who only sees rainbows when theres thunder in the sky...and your right. Whats the point of visioning a world of dissapointment when there are so many things surrounding us that is so pure and innocent that can change even the most angry person's mind. I believe in the quote" If you wish it, It will come". Its so very true.

Though this entry is quite short..I just wanted to get a point across. In life, when you are given a gift of heart, dont ever take it for granted. Cherish the action and always now that its gifts of the heart are the kind of sentiments that you can never get a rain check for, or exchange it for something else. They come only Once In A Lifetime.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Reality..The Intro

There are times that I can just sit in a moment of stand still and actually believe that I can live the normal life I always wanted. I start to visualize myself surrounded by the tender loving care that everyone assumes comes natural when your born into a family or when you have one of your own, Of course thats not the case here. I now just sit with confusion..wondering "What the hell is going on?". All my life I have felt the need to be a part of something so full of complete and utter happiness, I always just wanted to something.

How is it possible that a person who has so much feels like they have nothing, I will tell you why..its because what I always wanted was acceptance, respect and love. I feel like I never got it from where it mattered the most. I have a daughter and I vow everyday that she doesnt go through what I go through. I know that there are alot of people out there that has gone through similar situations, just please hear me out. This is where my REALITY hits.....

Im 28 years parents have been married for 48 years still going strong. I have NO relationship with my father what so ever and I live with him not by choice. I was in a situation where I had to come back and start over from scratch and trust me that was not a good day. My dad is the most selfish man in the world, if you want to put a smile on his face just shower him with gifts. My dad makes me feel like I was a mistake and because of him I have lost alot, My childhood, self-worth and friends in the making. I have a 9pm curfew which means I cant leave the house after 9pm and I have to be home by 9pm. He has a alarm on the door which goes off when I come home just so he know what time I got in. He boobie traps the house and he has a payphone in the house. He embarresses me in front of company and calls me a failure as a compliment. This is my real father.

I dont blame myself at all for wanting to escape this type of REALITY with a dream here and there, a happily ever after if you will. Its the only way I can find my serenity. I hope that as a new blogger I will be able to just find the answers in my writing and little by little try to find myself again and understand why I am the way I am. The little girl inside wants to know.